I had to say goodbye to my dog Ozzy today. He was with me and one second after he was gone. His body was still and I could’t feel anymore his body expanding and contracting from his breathing under my hands. I gave him a last kiss, maybe two, maybe more and I left. They will give me the ashes in 2 weeks but you never know if they will give me his ashes or the ashes of a random dog. While we were waiting for the doctor I told him “ Thank you!” Thank you not just for the company, the walks, all the memories but also for all he taught me in this 16 years of love. I told him thank you several times and I asked him to visit me sometimes, to give me some signs that he is somewhere around me, running again. I gave him so many kisses and caresses and I still wish I gave him more... more of everything.

My heart is so broken and I shouldn't be here writing about Ozzy because it's very painful. But for some reason I think that if I don't write about him today something about this goodbye  will be missing tomorrow.

Mauro, my ex husband, wrote something about him. He wrote that he wasn’t really a good dog :) And he really wasn’t. He was jealous, possessive, grumpy, intense. But he was my dog and I loved him with all my being. And he loved me very much. If there is someone who taught me about pure, unconditional love this is Ozzy. And when I say thank you I mean also thank you for teaching me so many layers of love, of resilience, of devotion, of sacrifice.

In the last weeks, maybe months, I was trying to reject the idea that it was time, that he was suffering and I needed to tell him goodbye. So a few days ago I asked the Universe " If Ozzy is ready please show me the death card." The morning after here it is, the death card. I tried to ignore it. I said that it was a coincidence, even if I know very well that Tarot always speak to me very clearly. In the last days Ozzy got worse and that death card kept coming on my mind. Yesterday morning I was doing my daily tarot and here it is... again... Death. I cried all day because I knew what was right. I just had to accept it. Let Ozzy go. I knew he was ready. I had to be ready too for him. I also knew that we both didn't want to separate from each other. It’s so hard to say goodbye to someone you love so dearly.

The pain I am feeling is as big as the love I feel for him. And I think how courages we all humans are for loving things that can be touched by death.

Goodbye my courageous warrior. Goodbye my sweet, grumpy friend. Goodbye my little boy. I love you you forever.

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