Today I want to share my thoughts on a book I recently finished reading: The Invisible Kingdom by Meghan O'Rourke. It's a profound exploration of chronic illnesses and those without a specific diagnosis. I feel compelled to share my insights on this book because managing my chronic conditions is a significant part of my healing journey, and for me, yoga extends far beyond the mat. Yoga is what we practice in everyday life—through our choices, actions, and directions.
I am incredibly grateful that Meghan O'Rourke wrote The Invisible Kingdom: Reimagining Chronic Illness. I found myself reading it at a time when I desperately needed inspiration, healing and a reminder that I know how to take care of myself. Three weeks ago, I underwent a minor surgery, and recovery has been more difficult than anticipated. The anesthesia, the stress of the surgery, some mistakes in my diet, and personal stressors have made the healing process longer and challenging. However, I am finally starting to feel better. I probably should have rested more but I've found solace in continuing to teach yoga. Knowing I can make a difference for my students keeps me going. In the last days though I have been forced by my body to rest more, and it’s helping, but I can't bring myself to stay home entirely and not working. Instead, I am reducing other activities, I am eating very healthy, taking supplements and avoiding stress to help my body healing. And It's working. I am starting feeling better.
As I delved into O'Rourke's narrative, I realized that she was on a quest for answers. People with chronic and nameless illnesses often seek explanations for their suffering, and O'Rourke is no different. However, she seemed to rely on the medical system (official and alternative) for too long instead of taking responsibility for her own health. She desperately wants the doctors to find a name for her problems and a cure. Most of the symptoms she described in her book mirrored my own experiences—symptoms that marked one of the most challenging periods of my life. Much of what she was told by doctors, I was told too. I felt scared, frustrated, and hopeless, and I too felt like I was dying.
This uncertainty lasted only one year for me because, after consulting a long list of doctors, I decided to trust myself and take full responsibility for my own health. This was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I quit my job, enrolled in a school of macrobiotic therapy and cooking, and applied everything I was learning to my diet and lifestyle. I removed many foods from my diet, including some I loved dearly. This journey required immense commitment and self-trust, but it ultimately led me to a path of healing and better health that I've never experienced in my whole life. I f you want to know more about my story click here.
Our bodies are amazing machines, where each part works with another as a whole, and I don't think that finding a name for an illness is the final solution. When something doesn't work, there is usually a deeper reason—a domino effect of events happening in our bodies. The symptoms we experience are just one of the things falling apart. Taking medications for those symptoms might help in the short term, but if you don't address the underlying cause, the discomfort will manifest in another symptoms or illnesses that maybe have a name or maybe doesn't.
Another aspect of my journey is that I never considered having children. My body has always been too unpredictable, and I chose to honor its limitations by not pursuing motherhood. While this decision has been clear for me, I don't judge Meghan O'Rourke or others who decide to become parents despite their health challenges. Being a mother is an incredible adventure, one that many choose to embark upon regardless of the obstacles they face. Everyone's path is different, and each choice deserves respect and understanding.
Especially in the last chapter, O'Rourke becomes a little bitter and cynic, asserting that there is no wisdom in being ill. I completely understand this sentiment because when my symptoms flare up, I too feel bitter at times and frustrated and I wish I was "normal". However, my illnesses have brought profound change, wisdom, and growth into my life. Of course, I wasn't happy to be so sick for a year or to have been practically unhealthy since the day I was born. But the moment I discovered the root of my problem—not because a doctor told me, but because I became so in tune with my body that it literally guided me to the issue—I was able to take care of myself and find a clarity and power over my health that I had never experienced before.
I did't and I don't need someone to recognize my illlness or to acknoledge my struggles or to have pity for me in order to feel whole. I do not care. I am who I am. I am different. But different from who? We all are different in a way or another. I just decided to dive fully in this being different instead of passively accepting that constant health problems and pain are my normal. I decided to find myself and when I found myself, when I found who I really am at a cellular level I embraced it, without doubts, without anyone telling me who I should be or can be, without the need to label who I am and what make me being me.
I know that not everyone has the time and space to fully commit to their healing. However, many people also find excuses to avoid this commitment because it is a truly challenging endeavor. It’s much easier to delegate the responsibility to someone else and have someone to blame if things go wrong or if we don't heal. Someone other than ourselves. O'Rourke's story poignantly explores the struggles faced by those with chronic illnesses, but I would have loved more focus on the importance of self-advocacy and the power of taking control of one’s own health. While the medical system can provide support, true healing often begins with understanding the wholeness of our bodies, with listening to our body's voice instead of covering it with temporary palliative relief and committing to taking full responsibility for our own well-being.
Living with a chronic illness or autoimmune disease requires a deep connection with your body. It involves understanding what physical activities are feasible during symptom flare-ups, recognizing which foods exacerbate symptoms, and identifying sources of stress. My current practice involves gentle yoga, meditation, Yoga Nidra, short walks and rest. I avoid foods that hinder my healing like refined sugar, caffeine, gluten and other foods ( I know it sounds a boring diet but being sick is not fun at all and I choose my health over a momentary pleasure of the palate, again and again, so I can enjoy life more). I am trying to be very gentle with myself, and sometimes the hardest things to do it's being gentle with myself. Let my body rest, let others take care of me and worry for me, feeling vulnerable. I am not good at that. At feeling vulnerable. At asking for help. I remind myself that this is a journey of trust too... of trust not only in my own body and its capability to heal itself, especially if I create the right conditions for him to do so, but also trust in the people who know and love me and more in general trust in humanity and I am reminded of this quote from Mahatma Gandhi,
"Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so. You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty"
